ain't easy life

long time didn't update my blog, nothing but damn busy with ASSIGNMENTS!!
im going to crazy soon!

The only semester i cry non stop just because of assignments. worst was i even think to give up and just dont give a fuck. LOL... i knew, i can't be that impulse and weak. This was the third year which is the last year in TOA, give up means zero!

BUT

ain't easy life wehh, can't get better sleep or even no sleep. sometime can't even eat, and don't feel like eating.. strange is why i still so fat huh? why not getting slimmer yet seems to be wider =________=
LOL, is it illusion or i always think that i'm fat? no, i guess is not my problem but the mirror do. Someone someday should buy me a slim mirror, so that i always look slim when the mirror reflect. hahahahhahaha

alright alright, i know i know! assignments kill all my cell and i got no healthy body and mom keep nagging about it. morning don't do lar, always burn midnight oil. LOL, i'm so innocence and try to explain to my mom that 24 hours is not going to be enough for me anymore, and i'm not greedy. i just need 48 hours per day, so that i got some life and also my health back. CAN SLEEP MORE!!!!

this is the 6 weeks, and i can't even remember how many times tear drop... TOA life ain't easy life, you need to achieve something of course you need to pay back something. what did i achieve and pay to TOA? LOL, i guess is time and sleep... as well as the damn thing MONEY!
but really,time flies and i'm in the final year. Time who was the real thief who actually stealing your most important thing without you, yourself realizing and end up? we all are old. LOL, i was just pulling you guys leg. The fact is ............ ASSIGNMENTS due date is just around the corner!!! Thats what i mentioned TIME FLIES!!!!

One of the thing who always DRIVE ME CRAZY all the time!!! ASSIGNMENTSS!!!

WHATEVER , life still goes on!

安全感 secure

其實我覺得自己真的是一個很沒有安全感的人，我對身邊事物很敏感。
誰經過我身邊，不要說靠近的，在遠處有人看著我，我也會有感覺到。
不曉得為甚麼，就是會很敏感。
所以我不喜歡去夜店，就是因為我不喜歡與陌生人有摩擦。
哪怕就只是用他們那雙眼睛從我的頭看著下去到腳再從腳看回上去到頭的目光，真的我受不了。
誰看著我，無論胸，腳，或是別的部位，我會很快就察覺到。
可能因為這樣，我不喜歡穿裙子。
穿裙子對我來說很沒有安全感，好像每個人的眼睛都在往某些地方觀看。
我經常罵那些喜歡看裙子底的人，看來看去不是內褲，到底有甚麼好看的？ 難道他自己沒有穿內褲？

很可能就是因為很沒有安全感，所以我都一直在保護自己。
我記得，中學時在巴士被怪伯伯騷擾！我竟然只有害怕，連罵都不會罵＝＝
也記得，13，14歲時住院，因為我是要動手術的，所以穿醫院的病服，裡面是沒有穿的。在等待醫生或護士來得時候，我睡著了。當時爸爸媽媽都不在，因為得工作。
在我迷迷糊糊得情況下，我突然感覺到有人拉我的棉被，我就張開眼睛！我看到一個像馬來人又像印度人的男生突然縮手然後轉身拿水壺出去，我知道他是醫院的工作人員。當時我還迷迷糊糊，不懂發生甚麼事情，意識下看了自己身體下，原來我因為熱過頭踢開了第一層的棉被，就剩下薄薄的白色被。剛好我因為踢棉被，病服稍微向上了，那個人應該是看到若隱若現的畫面然後有鼓衝動想掀開來咯！ 那時候因為太小了，我根本就不懂要投訴他。後來跟媽媽在病房講到，媽媽才去投訴。

可是這件事我都一直記得，我知道有一陣子我很害怕皮膚色偏黑的人。
現在想回去，我那麼醒睡也可能是因為我太沒安全感了，我自我保護也很強。
所以想靠近我得人，真的很難。我感覺到不是好東西的，他就很難接近我。

也可能因為是這樣，我對我覺得有安全感的人，特別依賴。
就好像家人！我們也總是只對有安全感的人發脾氣，就因為覺得無論對他發多大的脾氣，多無理取鬧，他還是不會離開你的。我相信，也很認同。
學校有個可能讓我任指中指和大罵粗口的朋友，我真的很欣慰。 因為我知道無論我指多少次中指，罵多少次粗口，他還是會在我身邊，他還是當我是很要好的朋友！
我知道我可以對他亂發脾氣，可每當看到他，我就會眼紅紅想哭。我只有在有安全感的地方，才會那麼輕易流淚，才會有那種衝動的就哭出來了。
我很喜歡這樣的朋友，所以我不想失去他。
我喜歡這個朋友會稱讚我化妝很好看，應該說看了那麼多人化的妝，他覺得我化的最好看。
我喜歡他說他覺得我畫的眉好看。
我喜歡他說我把頭髮綁完起來很美麗。
雖然他嘴巴很賤，偶爾會說我的大腿＋小腿＝人家的小腿
會說我就來要變光頭。
可是我知道他關心我的。
這種朋友真的很難找，真的很難，有默契的就更難。

能讓我發脾氣得人，真的很少。

想。哭

最近好像很依賴部落格，幾乎幾天就有新update。
而且都用華語寫，華語能夠表達得東西比較多，也想多多練習我的華語。

想很多東西呢最近，想這個想那個～其實有點煩！哈哈
功課又想，家裡又想，朋友又想，錢又想，工作又想，真的是一起來！！！！煩不煩啊？
你有壓力我也有壓力啊！！我已經很能忍耐了啦！！誰來給我抱怨下？？

而且記性越來越差，每次都忘記這個忘記那個！啊～～～～～～～
駕車罵人又來了，你們難道駕車不能駕好點嗎？？

我真的真的真的真的好想好想好想好想好想出國 T___________T
我的ROME,我的VENICE~~等我啊！！！

說到功課，我真的越來越擔心，越來越害怕～
我怕不會做，我怕做不好，我怕給別人帶來麻煩。
這科讀到我很辛苦，很大壓力，很累，很想放棄...
好無助，誰來幫幫我？舒解我的壓力？
誰來瞭解我的痛苦？？？？

近來看戲都看到哭，幾乎每一集都會有讓我會哭的情景啊～
怎麼我就是那麼眼淺啊？？
想忍住不哭，卻還是會哭＝＝
鼻子又敏感的，一哭就容易鼻塞。可憐～
還有很多套叫朋友下載給我得電影沒時間看，
真的真的真的沒生活咯！！
我的宅女生活沒有電影，沒有漫畫，怎樣成？？？

今天是5月20日，就是我愛你！

跟所以愛我和我愛的人說句

我愛你

路人甲

每次很想寫blog,但是開了blog又不懂要寫些甚麼。
就寫一些心事好了！
之前說要放棄得，其實說了要放棄後，我整個人也比較輕鬆了。
但是卻只是那麼一段時間，然後又會想起他。
雖然我不會再那麼衝動去找他，但是還是會想起。

我只是位去過你的世界，卻只是路過得人。
或許當我每天在想你時，你卻不曾想起我。
我記得和你認識後的每一樣東西，和你的每一段記憶。那你呢？
你會記得你曾經為我撐傘嗎？我都記得！
可恨的事，我連看到你手指上有戒指的那一幕都記得一清二楚。

可是為甚麼我總覺得你對我也有少許意思呢？
為甚麼？明明你有女朋友了。
可你還是主動認識我，和我聊天。
我一直覺得你只不過剛好得空，所以和我聊天。
可是有時你卻是走前來和我聊天。我不明白
是我想太多？？？？
perhaps!

我是你的路人甲，可你卻是我心裡常駐的過客。
我腦子里想得都是你了。
我真的能夠放棄嗎？
唉～～～～～～～～～

還是，快樂不起來。

最近都很想寫blog,總是太累了。
想說要blog的時候，就不知道要blog甚麼＝_____=

就來要開學了，不開學生活有點沈悶，第一次放假這麼久～
上個星期去馬六甲玩，其實本來想去找rainie,然後一直吃的。
沒想到還是去了afamosa,才下town.

看到了很多動物，不是很想post 出來。那天一直看一直說它們很可憐。
尤其是那些大象表演啊，好看固然好看，但是訓練過程想像到嗎？
而且寸草不生，裡面都不是草地。動物們吃的是甘蔗啊！！

在過程中讓我看到了四葉草，是不是看到就會有好運啊？？

這個獅子帽子好可愛，好想要。但是是小孩子帽子～

看到就覺得好陽光！好像甚麼事情都挨的過～

這個兔子躲在裡面，真的太可愛了。

十年如一日，以前小小的時候，爸爸帶我們家人一起去。當時最愛牛仔表演，記得還跟演員合照，故事情節都一樣。小時候看不是很懂，這次回去，我看懂了。

我很喜歡拍燈，不知道為甚麼。

這次也發覺用release shutter可以得到很多不同得東西。

除了用release shutter,還要不看view finder or LCD去拍。

得到很不懂得構圖～

這個應該是在我以前小時候去時還沒開放得牛仔村吧。

裡面設計很美，可惜不是很多人，也不是很多東西。

呵呵，雖然出去旅遊。可我玩得不開心～唉。

最開心還是下去town吃東西時～呵呵

這個是其中一間nyonya餐館里的cendol,好喜歡！

好好吃～～ 第二次吃，還是那麼喜歡啊！

千層蛋糕！

好吃好吃好好吃。

可吃完了有點膩～哈哈～

這是第二張用release shutter + 沒有看來拍。

個人蠻喜歡！

其實拍了很多照片，卻有點懶惰弄。哈哈～

就算出去玩，也快樂不起來。

我想出國讀書，一架相機走天下！wow~

想而已，借政府錢讀，好像很難。

自從彈吉他一來，每天都得拿來彈一彈才覺得舒服些。三天在馬六甲沒有吉他，我好不習慣。一直希望吉他在身邊。～

be patient

have been long long long long long time that i never post anything or blog for my life. Recently having my sem break for 2 months, what i busy at was keep working lolx.  i have a lots of things haven't done yet, so sad.....

i know, i got changes. people getting mature and mature everyday when you experienced on something, no matter how small is the things which affect you. If we get more concentrate on a very little things that happen around us, there is always a lesson. we can't make sure that we won't regret after we did something. im a very lonely person, i used to watch movie, shopping, do assignment bla bla bla alone. mostly all of my things i keep inside my heart, not because i don't wanna to tell, is no body that i can tell. Sometimes i rather talk to a stranger, tell him or her about my life. i dont know why, everytime wanna tell my friends, they also having more serious case than me. i not sure whether their case are serious than mine or what, just.... i got no chance to tell them full story of mine, always when i wanna tell them my things but end up i'm always the one who listen and comfort also try to get solution for them. when i really can't stand for what is happened on me, they will only ask why don't you tell me???? things keep on happen like this, all friends almost the same. i rather just keep it settle it myself....  can't settle, keep stubborn on the same things, just cry on bed. after crying was another new day, i have to stand up and keep on my life. even how tired i am, i still have to move on....

i know now what i wanna learn was be patient. be patient to everybody and anybody! i must control my own temper, i can't get angry easily because i always feel i'm bad after i get angry to somebody. Just like that day i was driving and that lane is for turning left but infront 2 cars wanna go on right side but they blocking my way, i just press 3 times horn and pass by them, after i did that then i told my brother whether i'm bad just now o___O lol... really regret... so i wanna learn how to control my own temper and be more patient to people around me.

My first guitar < 3

it has been few days i wanted to get the guitar from guitar store!!! because i don't want to go alone, so that i ask somebody accompany me and of course help me test the guitar! hahahaha....
seriously, i can't really sleep well before today. keep thinking of the guitar since saturday i went to guitar store and met some of the guitarsssssss~hahaha

Today i had a lots of my FIRST TIME! lolx
i woke up around 6:30am in the morning and do preparation, this is because i have to go PJ interview at 9am. As everybody know, federal is so damn freaking JAM at working hour!! so i decided to left house around 8am. Actually i'm not so familiar with the area that i'm going to go for, so have to bring along my dad GPS, and GPS used to bring us go the further way instead of the nearest. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE THIS KIND OF OFFICE JOB INTERVIEW, so scary =______=
but, is a 30 minutes asking and end. lolx.... i think i'm not suitable for office job lahhhhhhhhh~

and then i went to THE GARDEN meets my college friends up at GSC cinema. Actually we are just thinking to watch premier but end up we watch GOLD CLASS!!! MAN, this is the first time i watched gold class, lucky my friends treat me. RM65 o________O usually i watch movie cheapest i can get RM6, hahahahaha...i'm just like a kid when get into the hall, damn nice!

The interior of it! can't imagine only four of us watching in the hall. between, I'm watching" I AM NUMBER FOUR". For me, it was just awesome!!! i love the main character, he is so handsome! i love the number six, she is so so so handsome too!!!! GOLD CLASS WAS JUST SO DAMN COMFORTABLE!!

It would be perfect if the couch was a massaging chair. lolx.... am i too GREEDY???

After the movie i straight away drove to leisure mall, should say HQ of guitar store! wow!
i'm so so so so sO SO SO SO SO SO EXCITED !!!
can't wait to have my OWN guitar!!!
How to say, actually i quite like the environment when i get into the guitar store. It's simple but having some kind of feel. perhaps i'm surrounded by guitar there????

This was My FIRST GUITAR!!! is CORT~~
i guess i should give it a name??? but i hate naming on something... my 2nd husband la~~~ahahahahaha
i must faster practice well my guitar basic skills!!! MOVE ON!! MOVE ON!! MOVE ON!!!
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!!! GO !!!! GO !!! GO !!!!~~